I am not an expert on anything.  The thing I am farthest from being an expert at is reading people.  I have no idea what people think of me.  My lack of perception is astounding, most especially when I’m nervous.  Oh, that is when things really fall apart.  And so silly I feel!  Next, one of two things happens; I laugh and talk way to much or zip! my lips clamp shut.  Neither of which is conducive to anything.  Tonight I may have actually blushed in front of this young man… later rebuking myself for assuming.  But I laugh and am glad to feel like a young girl again, a bit exhilarated at the unknown…

Image: The Inquistion, Stark vs. Dr. Dog



late. great?

Lately I’m just wondering what is this thing we’re all putting down in the world.  I’ve never had so much time to think and all I can think about is what people are doing.  Then I marvel at how I’m not doing anything.  What propels people?  I watched the film Adaptation and it said it is passion that drives people.  I read on a lamp that you can either be a flame or a mirror.  In biology adaptation is defined as: a change by which an organism or species becomes better suited to its environment; the process of making such changes.  In the movie the leading lady says she did not change of her own will but that it just happened to her.  Is this so?  Because everything you read says that change must come from within, you must be willing to change.  How does this explain my situation?  I’m like a fish trying out my new legs while everyone else is running circles!  Why am I so far behind in the game?  Have I not adapted out of circumstance, there was no need to change?  Or, and more likely, is it that I pride myself on remaining the same regardless of my surroundings?  It’s funny and it’s true, I do.  Look at me, unfazed!  But that is impossible!  To be alive means to be constantly growing, changing moving at least towards death if nothing else.  Is that the only thing I’m moving towards?  Why do I have no niche?  Why have I never?  And why does part of me love that and part of me panic?  I am enamoured with people who follow their passions.  I cherish them and put them up on these little pedestals, I revel in their audacity and will do anything to help their plight.  Yet I sit!  Only a mirror.  A two-way mirror!  On the outside looking in…

“The best song never gets sung, the best laugh never leaves your lungs, it’s so good you won’t ever know, and never hear it on the radio.”

-Wilco, The Late Greats


Image: Heather Reinhardt, My Head Is Filled With Song Part III